When we regularly rescue our children from their conflicts, we unintentionally convey that they are not capable of solving problems for themselves. Instead of telling children what to do, ask questions that encourage themto brainstorm solutions and consider outcomes. For example:
• What can you do when someone pushes you?
• What will happen if you grab the toy back?
• How will your friend feel if you don’t let him play?
• What else could you do?
On Sale NOW! March 2009
When good friends Emma and Ryan get together to play, there's lots of fun to be had—and also plenty of playtime problems to be solved. Mom first validates Emma's feelings (green text). Next, Mom asks a series of questions, inviting Emma to think of solutions to the problem at hand. The questions also encourage Emma to consider how her solutions will make Ryan feel (purple text).
Mom helps Emma solve her problem.
"It's frustrating when you and your friend disagree, isn't it?" she asks.
"What can you do if you and Ryan want to play different things?"
Emma grumbles, "Nothing. Play our own games, I guess."
"Yes, that's one idea. How might Ryan feel if you play different games?"
"He might feel sad we're not playing together."
"That's a good point," Mom says.
"What else could you do?"
"Um, we could take turns."
Mom smiles, "Go ahead and try that idea."
